I started saying "Dude"

I started saying "Dude"
And "man" after
Or before
Or in the middle
Of every sentence

And every other person
That came here from a different state
Or a different part of California
All did too

I say it as often as I say "like"
...which is too often
And I've increased my swearing
By 100%

Words I didn't
And never will pick up:
Narley
Hella
Dank
"Hella as shit, man"

Typical conversation

Kyler: Dude, I think raisins might be my favorite thing ever.
Me: Shut the fuck up, man
Kyler: No, I'm fucking serious. Like, out of any category... it's always raisins.
Me: Dude, what's your favorite TV show? Raisins?
Kyler: Well no.. just like nothing even compares to them

3 Hours later through text messages

Me: Dude, I'm about to eat four granola bars. The fucking Jolly Giant closed at 7
Kyler: Go for it dude
Me:... I just ate fucking four granola bars. I think granola bars might be better than raisins
Kyler: Fuck that, man. Raisins are fucking tight as hell.
Me: Fuck that, dude.

An hour later... Kyler wakes me up at 2am

Kyler: DUDE, everyone at this party wants you to come
Me: Shut the fuck up, man
Kyler: Not joking like 10 people asked where you were
Me: 10 people don't know me, how many actually asked
Kyler: Two...
Me: Were they both girls?
Kyler: Yeah, man
Me: Dude, fuck you. Gross.