I took a photo of us

I'm almost ready to say
"I miss you"
But you can't miss someone who isn't gone.
And you aren't gone.
Right?

Didn't we all silently say
We'd be friends forever?
I'm sure someone said that
Or maybe we all just
Knew

I went to your house the other day
And hung out with all of our friends
I know you were there
You had to be
Somehow

I took a photo of us
A little while back
You're kissing me on the cheek
I can still feel that kiss
I'm positive it's still there
Your lips are definitely
On my face

I stepped outside a store today,
One of your favorites,
And something happened
That's never happened before

I felt the wind
And heard your voice

I knew you'll be with us
Forever

Tonight

I'm 2 hours away
From seeing our friends

Without you

It's been 2 days
So
Instead of crying
Or talking about you

We'll probably just pretend
You're there with us
Maybe we won't be pretending
Maybe you are with us

Let us know somehow
I want to hear you laugh
In the wind
Or see your face
In the pond

Try you hardest to be there tonight
It'll make it so much
Easier

Promise me you'll try?
We'll wait for hours
So you better show up

You promised

A Song From Me To You

I know you can read this...

I wish I would have known
And could have said goodbye
To tell you
You were a really good friend

Thanks for everything
Coming to my house to watch movies
Going on that trip
To go tubeing
Carving pumpkins
Even though mine turned out terribly
Watching
The Golden Compass in your basement
And being so upset
When there wasn't a 2nd
Thanks for being there
To we could hang out
Whenever

You were one of the only people
That kept me sane in this
Stupid town

I know you can read this
And see what I'm writing

So I'd like to tell you
Goodbye
I'll miss you
I love you
I'll never forget you.

Love always,

Jared

Christians, when it comes to homosexuality, man up.

This is a blog post from one of my favorite bloggers John Shore who's blogs are about how to be a Christian realistically and not a wacko. Since I know that who ever reads this will have a fairly short attention span, I'll cut out the parts that aren't that important. Enjoy :)

“We’re all sinners,” runs the refrain. “We all struggle to overcome our sinful ways. Homosexuality is a sin. Just like all of us must strive to control our sinful behavior, so the homosexual must strive to overcome his or her sexual predilection. Even if a person is born gay or lesbian — even if homosexuality is genetic — a homosexual must still strive to overcome the ungodly behaviors toward which he or she is inclined, the same as we all must overcome our lower nature in order to realize our highest.”

That proposition is so logically flawed it should embarrass any Christian who hears it, let alone says it. It completely ignores the crucial, absolute difference between homosexuality and the other sins people typically struggle against committing, which is that committing virtually every kind of sin except homosexuality objectively and tangibly hurts someone. If you lie, steal, cheat, rob, have an extramarital affair, are too greedy, are too selfish, waste your family’s money, and/or do any other kind of sin you can think of, someone, in no uncertain or abstract terms, gets hurt. That rule never changes, and it has as much to do with theology or philosophy as a brick to the head has to do with architecture.

But you take the Bible out of the equation, and what grounds is there for determining that homosexuality is wrong? Who does such love hurt? When two men are affectionately holding hands, who is getting hurt? When two women are snuggling together on their couch watching TV, who is being hurt?

Virtually all other behaviors Christians typically considered sinful can be readily understood as objectively and clearly wrong without any reference to the Bible. But you take the Bible out of a Christian’s hands, and he has no arrow left to shoot at the gay man or lesbian. He’s without recourse, justification, argument. Without his Bible to quote from, he has virtually nothing upon which to base his claim that homosexuality is wrong.

A dim-witted child could see that homosexuality isn’t the same as other kinds of sins. It’s distinctly, absolutely, categorically different. [H]omosexuality shouldn’t be classified as a sin, because it doesn’t meet the first, most important criterion of being a sin, which is manifestly causing harm.

I’m a Christian, and no two ways about it. But I can’t be a Christian so severely lacking in logical powers that I don’t notice the difference between homosexuality and all the other kinds of sins anyone’s always doing. The latter hurts people; the former doesn’t. They’re that far apart.

Also, it’s high time Christians were honest about the fact that asserting that homosexuals should stop acting homosexual necessarily means asserting that they should spend their lives never knowing the loving intimacy with another that straight people enjoy and know to be the best and richest experience in life. Asking a homosexual to give up homosexual love isn’t at all like asking him to give up booze, or greed, or any other such negative thing. It’s asking him to give up love.

I hear a lot of Christians asserting that gays and lesbians should stop acting like gays and lesbians. But I never hear any of them saying the unavoidable follow-up to that — saying what that actually means — which is that gay and lesbian men and women should spend their lives never experiencing what people most commonly mean when they use the word “love.”

When, all along, the Bible couldn’t be more clear about love being the primary characteristic of God. (1 John 4:8: “Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” 1 John 4:16: “God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.”)

Something is seriously wrong somewhere in the mix between Christians and Christianity. (And it’s spelled Paul — whom I love, but about whom we really should be more clear. But that’s for another post.)

I want to be the very best Christian I can. And that means being as scrupulously honest as I can. And on the topic of homosexuality, that means admitting that being gay is not like any other sin, and that the Christian proscription of homosexuality is nothing less than a call for anyone who is gay to live their entire life never experiencing the physical expressions of love that all of we straight people happily accept as one of the very best things about being alive. Those two things are true, no matter how many logic-challenged pastors daring to call themselves compassionate Bible lovers claim otherwise.

I didn't cut out that much but if you'd like to read the whole thing, here's the link:

http://johnshore.com/2010/03/13/christians-when-it-comes-to-homosexuality-man-up/

That Green Vase

Remember that green vase?
You know, the one that was always on the top shelf
Of that cupboard you had to go to,
To get the bowls made specifically for cereal?

I kind of want it.
Not to do anything normal with
Like put flowers in it, or leaves
Or crumpled up pieces of paper with your name on it

But put it in some elderly couple’s lawn
An elderly couple that hired shitty lawn service
So the 7th grader who got a summer job cutting their grass
Wouldn’t come that often
Their grass would be so tall that if you stuck the vase
In the middle of the lawn,
It’d cover it up completely.
Then when that stupid lawn boy comes, he’ll run it over
And cut his leg, or break the lawnmower or something.

That’d be a story to tell the grandkids.

Maybe I’d take it to the Antique Road Show
It’s got to be at least 30 years old by now
That’s an antique, right?

I’d probably get on TV
They’d ask me how much I thought it was
I’d say $50,000 and they’d chuckle to themselves
And tell me, “No no no no no, $25”
It’d probably less than $25… maybe 24

If it was at an antique store it’d probably be on the
“Free Crap” shelf
Maybe it’d say “shit” instead of “crap”

No one would buy it
Until I searched through all the antique stores in town
And I found it
And finally it’d be put in that young couple’s lawn
Where it belongs.

I don’t think I ever saw it outside that cupboard
In your house
In the kitchen
Right above those soup bowls
Or were they cereal bowls?
I can’t remember anymore

Besides that one time.

I was at a party you were having
When your parents were out of town
And I asked you why it was out of the cupboard
And you didn’t answer
And the next morning we woke up
And some kid put some beer and a few popcorn kernels in it.
I personally thought it was ingenious,
It finally was getting used for something important,
But I remember you were pretty pissed about it
You cleaned it
For at least an hour
More like ten minutes
Actually, I think I was the one that cleaned it.

You never told me why you took it out
You probably wanted someone to take it
And break it
And make it into an art piece or something stupid like that

If I ever find that vase
That used to be in your closet
With the Christmas decorations
That's where your dad put it, right?
I’m not sure what I’d do
Probably not put it in that farmer’s field
For a tractor to destroy as he made hay
Or harvested corn

Maybe I’d put it in my house
And after a couple years
Take it out of wherever I stored it
And put a couple flowers in it

If you came by, I wonder if you’d recognize it
Outside your house
Without wine in it
Or whatever that red head put in it
At that party you had
In the summer of our junior year

Maybe I’d take it out
At my son’s 5th birthday
And stick a rock tied to balloons filled with helium in it
One if his friends would probably grab it
And break it.
Maybe it’d have to be at his 3rd birthday
Maybe it’d be at my daughters
Or the baby shower I was throwing

What if the kid I get
Isn’t a baby
Can I still throw a baby shower?
I just want free crap from my friends
Hopefully not that stupid vase
But with my luck someone would have found it by then
And thought it was a great gift

An antique
Worth more than $25

I wonder if you’d be there
And notice it
Outside of your house
Outside of your cupboad
Right above those bowls
Made specifically for cereal

Do you remember that green vase
At all?

Maybe I'll Swim

I'd like a better plan
Than the one I have now
I wish I could say I had my whole life planned out
And be happily surprised when something
Unexpected happened.

That'd certainly be nice.
I found a quote.
I'll tell you right now...

"Part of life,
it seems,
is starting over again and again,
each time a little smarter than the last.
It's frustrating but,
and I'm guessing here,
ultimately rewarding."

I wrote it somewhere public
And lied about who it was from
I said it was from a Christian
Internet
Blogger
Who I like almost everything he writes about
When really,
It's about a guy's who's profession
Is unhealthy
And fairly unaccepted by society
Unless you're in Washington D.C.
Or San Francisco
Or somewhere else
Where no one cares what you do

It doesn't matter,
Who cares?
It's a good quote
From a shady guy
Who's name I'll forget in a month.

I wish the next time I started my life over
Or maybe the next time after that
I had a reason to swim
I wish I was good at it

What a strange thing to wish
What a strange wish to wish

Maybe I'll swim
...but probably not
I'd love to tell that to someone,
To muster up motivation to achieve that goal

But truth be told,
It's not something I want in my plan
The plan I want to go horribly wrong.

Who knows though,
Something might come up
Where it fits perfectly

The next time I start my life over,

Maybe I'll swim...

I'd Sing Something Back

Say something unexpected
Say something you've never said before
Tell me a story
You've told me 100 times,
I'd like it just the same.

Whisper a secret across the lake
Light a cigarette
Sit down

Say it loud enough that I can hear it
But not too loud,
No one else needs to know

I'll find a bench
I'll find a chair
I'll find something to sit on
So I don't have to swim across the lake to see you

I'd sing something back
But I've already told you everything I feel like sharing

I think I heard you
I think I heard the secret you tried to whisper
Across the lake

Is it true?
Am I really the first person you've told that to?

I wish you have said it underwater
So I could pretend I heard it
But really I wouldn't have understood
A
Single
Word

I see you light another cigarette
I get up to leave

It's about time you said something
That didn't remind me of a cardboard box
Filled with
Endangered
Flowers

Fly

I'm ending with

I'm writing this all down
from start to finish
I'll start with
"I'll miss you"
You'll read this later.
I'm writing more down
continuing with
"Will you miss me too?"
You'll probably never find this.
I've got more to say,
"You'll lose my number
I forgot to save yours"
You'll have stopped reading by now.
I'm almost done,
just a little more,
"I can't remember if I said
goodbye or not,
I guess it doesn't matter."
I'm done now
I've finished
I'm ending with
"i'll miss you."

Saying Goodbye

I have one week left.
One.
Week.
Left.

To say goodbye

If I could do it all over, I would.
In a second

I'd accept that my best friends back home
Don't have to be my only friends

I'd accept that
I might meet some people that really like me
That might want to be my friends

If I could have only given them a chance

As I sit here and write this
I think about how initially
I wanted to be anywhere but here,

So,
I consider staying
I consider throwing away all my plans.
I think about it so hard
That I forget that even if I stayed,
Nothing would stay the same.

Nothing ever stays the same

People move on with their lives
They move to different cities
Move to different schools
Make new friends
Get new jobs

Change.

And yet, I know saying goodbye
Isn't going to be as easy as I would have
Thought it to be

So I'm going to say it a week early.
Tonight.
To save me from the feelings I would have otherwise felt
I'm going to say it right now
Right this very second.
I'm ready....

Shit.
I can't do it.
Get back to me in a week.

I didn't

I didn't think about you today
I didn't write a poem
For people to guess
If it was about you
Today

I didn't talk about you
To people who don't know you
Or don't care about you
Or have never even
Met you before

Until

I was eating dinner
At a busy restaurant
At night
And for some reason you decided
That would be the
Perfect
Time
To text me
And ask me "What's up?"

So I reply
And you never answer back

Typical

Not really sure
What I was actually expecting back

Sometimes I wonder
How you live your life
And then I remember

You're really not...