I used to live alone before I knew you.

The feelings I feel toward you both
Are feelings I don't think I've ever felt before
If any of my best friends read this
They'll get pissed

But it's a different sort of friendship
Living with someone
Being around them 24/7
Working at the same place
Going out to eat at the same restaurants
Smoking the same hookah

Hearing the same gun shots

It's a friendship I've never had before
You're both closer than friends
A strange distance apart
From being family

It's unique to say the least.

We've all known each other
For only two months
But it feels like two years
Closer to two decades

You both helped me quit smoking
You made me quit smoking
You were with me
When I
Officially
Quit smoking

I don't know how to truly describe it
When one of you left you told me
You left a letter upstairs for me
But that you could never put in words
What our friendship actually was

And it was so true
There isn't really a word for it.

So tonight it was just me
And the other you
The other you who I became so close with
The other person
The third J.

I wouldn't say it ended well
It's like leaving a brother or sister
Or best friend
And not really knowing if you'll ever see each other
Again

Kind of planning not to see each other again

So I think our last few days,
Be that conscious or subconscious
We slowly drifted apart from each other.

I'll miss you both so much
I'll try to move on
Since we all live
About as far apart as possible

Because I know
I can't wait around
Until our friendship picks back up

I hope you don't forget about me
I'll try my hardest
To never forget about you.

Part of me thinks
It'd be kind of awkward
Going from being each other's only friends
To going out to eat together one day
Years later

What could we even talk about?
We'll have forgotten all of our inside jokes.
I swear
I made more inside jokes with you
Than any of my other friends.

Simply by doing the
Exact
Same
Thing
Together
Everyday

I definitely ate more freeze pops
Subway
Dominos
Chicago Style pizza
and Kool-aid than with anyone else

No one's lived on the South Side of Chicago with me before
No one's played "punch me if you see a white person"
And sat there for 20 minutes at a bus stop
Not being punched

I've never had FT with anyone

No one else
Have I gone to the Emergency Room with
At 12 a.m.
Not out of want
But because that's what you'd do for someone
You really care about

No one else
Have I lost a cat with
Or got lost so many times downtown
Of any city

Or got locked out of a house
Or told
Some of the things I told you

Or had such bizarre experiences
Or learned Ebonics
Or felt like dying from heat exhaustion

Or realized so clearly
I needed you
Quite a bit more than you needed me

No one else have I done
Basically anything we did.

I never had as deep of conversations
Lasting as long.

My best friends all
Agree with me
Our political and religious conversations
Last for about 5 minutes
After we come to the conclusion
That we all feel the same way

That's the end of that.

I really don't want to leave.
I don't want to leave this church
Or this city
I know I fell in love with it
Much more than you did

I simply don't want to leave
This sucks

We're leaving each other
Maybe forever

I think we'll all be a little
Culture shocked moving back
To our hometowns

I'm moving to another new place.
You aren't.
I have to re-make friends all over again.
You don't

You were both so easy
To talk to.
I didn't have to try.

Things will be different there.
Things will never be the same.

I'll miss you both
I hope you find this someday

Take it easy

Love,

___________