What's new in my life...

So here's the deal,

I just sent an extremely rude but to-the-point email to Humboldt Housing because next year (in total) it will cost around $30,000 and last year all together cost around $12,000. The whole point of doing this National Student Exchange was so it'd be the same price. So I don't know what the fuck to do. I emailed about switching my meal plan and apartment situation to make it a few thousand dollars cheaper, and all I got was an automated email about how my payment is due on the 10th. So that really pissed me off and I sent an email back about how apparently the email got to the wrong person and how I thought it was extremely rude and unprofessional to not even respond to the last email. I also said I might not get to go to Humboldt if they don't fucking (left that part out) email me back in time.

I'll probably regret sending that email in the morning but I dunno what to do. You'd think they would be more helpful. How the hell can college cost that much there? Like, honestly, who has that money? I don't understand it at all. I'm thinking about going there for 1 semester instead of the entire year since I clearly don't have that much money and feel like I'm a huge burden on my parents, because if I wasn't I would be able to go to whatever school I chose to go to.

This whole situatin is really pissing me off. I just want to become a flight attendent and travel the world. I might actually like that. A lady at church was talking about how she used to be the manager of some bank somewhere in Chicago but it was too stressful so she became a flight attendant instead and loves it.

Would that be a rewarding job, and do I really want to do it? I have no fucking clue. All I know is that I think it's my responsibility as a Christian to not care about money at all, so that's what I'm trying to do. There's such a fine line between being comfortable, and living an OK lifestyle, and being rich and being greedy with your money.

I hate this shit. I hate it all. I can't figure out anything. People say "you're 19, you're not supposed to have anything figured out" but that really ticks me off because, yeah -- okay, fine, whatever -- maybe that is true but I need to know where I go to school? Hello! God, I dunno. Maybe I'll never have anything figured out. I think it'd be cool to be a writer like Alice Walker or Maya Angelou or Toni Morrison, since they're powerful black women, like myself. But I'm not that good of a writer -- at all. So that dream quickly flys out the window.

I hate this.